It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize