You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
