After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
