too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
