We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
