Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
