it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
