Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
love makes seman taste better
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize