i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Houston, we have a squirter
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
