I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
