Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
