she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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