I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
