is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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