This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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