sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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