i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
