Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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