I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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