1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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