I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
