just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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