Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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