either way he was missing a nipple.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
