In the future we'll all be gay
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
