sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
