This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize