remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
