Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
