she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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