How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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