Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
