im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
