So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
