I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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