omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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