Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
