I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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