I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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