nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
