My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
