What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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