What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
