Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
