Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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