the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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