Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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