i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
