Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
