hell yes lets make some ravioli
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
