Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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