he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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