you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
