I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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