I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
