Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is Oprah even human
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
