the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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