Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
