i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
