3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
