Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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