I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if only i could text you this smell
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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