Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i came on her dog
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
