My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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