Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
