Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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