It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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