I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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