did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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