I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
