I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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