john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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