just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
