I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
