he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Panties = found
Randomize
