She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
