I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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