Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
