I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize