yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize