im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
