Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
