he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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