I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
