??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
