i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
