I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
