she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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