if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
