You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
