I wish I could punch you in the face.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
