Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We need to rekindle our bromance
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
