The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
