Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize