Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
