youre lurking in front of me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
