youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just found a bag of teeth...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
