why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize