So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
