true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
