I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
