he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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